Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
