i may or may not be watching the land before time
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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