the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
