if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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