he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
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I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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