By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
