u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
