i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
