I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
