and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
