apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
