Your tits are I can't wait for
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
