And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
