The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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