you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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