i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
