I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
