Me. At least after what I've been through.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
