my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
