i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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