I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
