but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
