the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
