So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
