I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
