I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Where is the hickey?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
