i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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