im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
