i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
