Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
