i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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