i used baking grease as lip gloss
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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