I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
