mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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