This dress was meant to end up on your floor
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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