My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
