My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
