so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
