from now on my penis is your penis
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
