it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize