Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
