remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
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Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
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everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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