I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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