Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
