i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
