WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize