Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
