Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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