Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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