I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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