Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
