This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
