Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
