im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
