I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
