All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Can I color on your dick again?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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