During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours