i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that