he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW