my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
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Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
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Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"