He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday