Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake