Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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