we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
