i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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