Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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