So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
