I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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