I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
