giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
