Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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