He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
