So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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