He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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