WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize