Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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