All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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