Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
